This article is an excerpt from my thesis written in 2015.
I used to say to my SV (Supervisor), ‘I don’t think I learned enough. I don’t really remember about the journals I have read. It’s as I have never learned anything...’ I used to think that what I did was never enough and I wish I could do more. I wish I could remember everything I read! I wish I were more skillful before I further my study. Well, I wish I could do everything. Women are good at multitasking, right? Thinking about all this, it does make me laugh. I’m trying too hard to do my best. My SV answered me, ‘Ayn, you’ve learned a lot, you just don’t realize it yet. I don’t expect you to memorize every single article or journal or theory. You’ve done a lot. You’ll be okay. And remember, a Ph.D. is not about saving the world. What you did was a small part of it. Don’t be too hard on yourself…’
I guess I am too hard on myself. I need to enjoy life and relax a bit. So, what I’m sharing here is what I learned on the journey to discover myself.
Life as a student is awesome! I treasured every moment of it. It can’t be denied that it was hard to be a Ph.D. student, with hundreds, perhaps thousands of articles to read and write, OMG, writing is the hardest task of all. Maybe, people out there would say I’m whining for nothing, ‘You’re studying, taking a break from working and having the time of your life there blah blah...’, but trust me, academic writing is hard, especially when writing in your second language. When people are so good with words, it can be a lot easier, I guess. I know that this dissertation is not perfect in terms of the grammar and the language, but I have worked with an editor and used language correction software to refine it. I tried my hardest to make it as best as possible. I put a lot of effort to complete my study. I even dream about it in my sleep. It’s my life, my everything (it sounds dramatic, but that’s the truth).
Australia was my home for 3 and a half years. What a great experience. Meeting new people or even travelling to places where I’ve never dreamed of before. Well, it’s not every day you can see the new world; when you have the chance, just go for it. Yep, I got the chance to travel to Europe for a month! I have never imagined myself travelling the world alone, and that’s what I did, from AUSTRALIA. Quite a long journey (22 hours, gosh!), but worthy! I didn’t even get the chance to go to the Borneo when I was in Malaysia. But, that will be on my bucket list from now on.
Being too perfectionist is not a good thing
That’s what I learned here. Everything is not perfect, and neither am I.
I learned to relax and enjoy the moment
I learned about procrastinating. I had never used that word before. I learned to relax and not rush into things. I even became a modest driver. I’m very patient and drive within the speed limit. I enjoy the nature, the lake and the weather here. The best season is Autumn, but I love playing with the snow too. Back in Malaysia, I was like the Flash, drove off my sporty Savvy. That’s when I was so young and dangerous, LOL!
I learned to get to know myself, better than before
Being 30s and single is hard. I’m so jealous of everyone who has someone to hold on to and to share everything with when you are far away from your family and friends. I wish I could find my other half and be happy. I must meet few toads along the way before I found my prince, right? People say you will find love right where you are. I guess I did, but…not the main concern right now.
I’m doing exercise every day and STILL enjoying my favourite ice cream. I was never skinny and will never be a skinny girl. I enjoy my food too much, but at the end of the day, I keep on complaining about why I can’t shed any pounds off. This is so funny, and I realized I complained every day, and it’s my roommates who had to hear about it. I pity them for having to hear about it most of the time. Thank you for lending me your ears, dear roomies!
I found my new passions
Travelling, cooking and trying new healthy foods are my new paroxysms. Is that even a word? (LOL) Spain and Greece here I come, wait for me in 2018.
I love Allah the Almighty more
I learned to be a pious Muslim and trying my best to be a better person. I have never doubted my belief. I believe in Allah more than before and hopefully, will always be part of this Deen until the day I die. I know, in the news, people talk about how bad the Muslims are, never judge people by their looks or what they believe in, please! One of my dear friends (not a Muslim) used to say, and I love quoting him, ‘Treat the people the way you want to be treated…’ and don’t forget to smile too.
A Ph.D. is just a Ph.D.
What matters the most is the experiences that you’ve gathered along the way. And even more important, you learned to be who you are and be better. I really enjoyed my Ph.D.’s journey and hope some of you might too. I laughed, cheered, teased, stressed, and mostly cried a lot. I’ve drowned in a roller coaster of emotions, but, the negative feelings never have to leave my cubicle/room. I’m a grown up woman now; I can feel that.
I’m smiling when I’m writing this anecdote. I guess life in Australia is the life I can treasure and remember the most.
I miss my family, right now, but, I wish so bad I’ll be back here in Australia soon. I haven’t been to most of the Australia yet (Tassie, Adelaide, Perth, NT and Uluru, OMG. I have to come back!).
I hope this is not the end of my journey; I wish to experience more in the future!
2015/2016, Canberra.